The issue with breakups, or one of many, is that the other person is still out there. I don’t mean that in the “no one else can have you” or the “now I have to kill you” sense. It’s just that he/she knows too much, and has seen too much for me to feel comfortable letting them roam the streets. It’s even worse when you don’t know how much they hate you now, or if they hate you at all. There’s a lot they can do, and a lot that can go wrong with the dirt they’ve collected. There’s nothing anyone can do about it, it’s just uncomfortable.. and God forbid you ever see that person again.
So we fought. I walked away. As I said before, things were ugly. A few days later we’d be forced to sit on a bus, on an airplane, and sleep in a hotel room together for four days during the band/choir trip. And all I can think is “God forbid I ever see him again”.
This is where things get complicated, because a few of my close friends knew what I had done.
He texts me and we talk it through, and decide to make the most of the next four days. In a sense, we would pretend things are okay, just so we wouldn’t have a burning desire to shove pencils in our eyes during the four days we’d be stuck together.
The problem: I pretended things were okay, and I did it so well I forgot that things weren’t okay. Which probably says something about how easy it is for the heart to trick the mind into doing what it wants. As it does. A friend of mine once told me to follow my head more than my heart when things feel off. And she was right. The mind knows what you have to do, the heart knows what it wants. The tricky part when they’re not aligned is determining which feeling is coming from the heart, and which feeling is coming from the brain.
At the end of the four days neither of us wanted to split paths; but we knew we had to. So we did.
The following week I wrote a post about breaking up, check it out by clicking here
This is more of a personal aside, read on if you’d like.
I’ve never been one for goodbyes, but we have to be mindful that nothing lasts forever. We always try our best to prolong the best things in life, but all good things must come to an end. If you know of some way to keep that which we love in a bottle and hold onto it forever, please, share your methods with me, I’d like to know.
A perfect example: I grew very fond of a lovely Japanese foreign-exchange student named Kyoko just over a year ago, and I had a great time with her while she was here. I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye when she returned home. I feel bad about that. So this post is dedicated to you, Kyoko.
This serves as a painful reminder of life’s impermanence, and that the only true constant is change. So, in addition to Kyoko, I’d like to dedicate this post to everyone else who makes me smile and keeps me happy because I know there will come a day when we’ll look back on these days and smile again. Only then, we won’t be as important to one another. More so memories.
It hasn’t all been fun and games, and I’ve been a jerk, and y’all have been difficult too (sorry, I love you). And there will be some people who drift away completely, and that’s life. Facebook will remind us of each other’s birthdays and we’ll call each other to say so, invite each other over for dinner “sometime” but it’ll never happen. And that’s okay. But as for now, I couldn’t have asked for a better crowd. I love you all. Lauren, let’s make Thursdays work. And yes, I’d be glad to make egg rolls anytime.
I wish I had pictures with everyone, I’m sorry to those who aren’t directly included in this post